"THOSE PEOPLE"

When I first heard about Reformers Unanimous I thought that it was for “those people” who struggled with “big sin”. You know them. The druggies and alcoholics. You see them and think, “I’m not that bad. RU can’t be for me”.

So in a journey to test this program, I decided to check out the training session with friends. We go to training thinking we are going to help “those people” see their evil ways. Then as the founder of the program, Steve Curington, shared his testimony and began to explain the program, I finally took a look at myself. I took what he was saying and applied it to my life. I was a church kid. I had grown up in church since I was nine years old. I knew about God and I had been saved for thirteen years. I was good to go. But then he mentioned this phrase, eating disorders. Hold up!! I thought this was about drugs and alcohol? At this point no one knew that I would eat mass amounts of food and then throw it up. It was my own thing that I did. It wasn’t hurting anyone. However, I left the training session thinking I should go to RU for me, not to help with the kids. But then that would mean putting myself out there. That would mean everyone would see my “dirty laundry” and I could never show my face again. I was going to be a big fat failure. I could not and would not have it!

Chapter 520 started in May of 07. I had been seeing all the preparation and announcements made about it and every time they would say something about it I would put up this huge brick wall! No one was going to know about my sins. After a few months of the chapter being open, I found it harder and harder to fight the Holy Spirit about going. Even on one Friday night, I got ready and drove to the church. I parked my car and sat. Sat some more. Then sat some more. I never got out. I couldn’t bare the thought of people knowing what I was doing.

On October 19^th, 2007 I decided that it was time to stop fighting and I set foot into my first RU meeting. Now I didn’t come into the program as a student. I came as a helper. I started in the kitchen then worked my way through till I had the privilege of helping in Kidz Club. All the while not saying anything about my eating disorder.

After some time fighting the Lords leading, in August of 2009 I left Kidz Club and started the program as a student. I came out to everyone about my addiction and began my healing process. Or should I say, began an even bigger journey. Over the next few years I would still struggle with my eating disorders, begin abusing prescription drugs, and finally hit rock bottom as I began to cut myself and think about nothing but taking my own life. My life had shattered around me. Everything that I thought could bring me joy only brought me pain. And the ones that I thought would love me most resented me the most. I didn’t understand what God was doing to me. I didn’t understand what He wanted from me. I was at this program, I was working the book, and I was in church. What else did He want?

Then on March 12^th 2011, I decide enough was enough. I asked my friend to come with me to see our chapter director and his wife. I sat there in their home and poured out my heart to them. All my anger, shame, and guilt came pouring out in tears. As I sat there and cried I realized that this whole time I had been trying to take care of my own problems. I was flat out refusing to let God take it all from me. I was trying to fix a life that I didn’t and would never have the tools to fix. I had to give it all to God. I also realized that it wasn’t going to be just that one-day of giving it to God. It had to be a daily decision to allow God to control my life and my heart.

Has it been easy? No. I still have days that I struggle. But the difference now is that I know God is pleased with me and how I am allowing Him to truly come into my heart and rule and reign in my life. Does the program work? Absolutely. It just depends on whether or not you are going to allow God to work in your life and change it from the inside out. Was I ever a junky on the street committing the “big sins”? No. But I sure was being a God robber. Robbing God of the chance to use my life to help lead others to the Lord. I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t want be a God robber anymore. That seems like a “big sin” to me. But what do I know, right? I’m just one of “those people”.